January 13, 2010. A day that was not very kind to me. A day that I had dreaded seeing approaching on my calendar 4 years ago. I could not stop it from coming. I had fought the good fight, did everything I could do to avoid going down this path. However, it was out of my control. I could not stop it and eventually it arrived bringing to an end a season in my life. I still remember the events surrounding what happened. The day before I boarded a train in Port Huron, MI bound for Chicago, IL. I was going to be staying at a college friends house for a couple nights. As I sat on the train I started to think what had happened to bring me to this point, the mistakes I had made. A couple months before my soon to be ex-wife had asked me to leave. After weeks of marriage counseling and me fighting to save the marriage it came down to this. Now I was heading to the courthouse in Illinois to finish the divorce.
The morning of the divorce arrived. It was going to be a simple one for we did not have much to split up and we had figured it all out before this day. Once our names where I called I got up behind the defendant stand. Within two minutes of being up there the judge signed the paperwork and it was all final. I walked through the snow to the nearest Walmart and awaited the arrival of my friend to pick me up and take me back to his house. The next day I took the train back home in Michigan. I had failed, simple as that. I could not get a marriage to last even two years. I had my issues and I took the blame upon myself for this. I never wanted a divorce and now I have gone through one. I fought to save the marriage and failed. I felt horrible and lonely. I figured God was upset with me and disappointed. I figured I could no longer be used by God. Little did I know what God was about to do. I spent this time turing back towards God. It was the only thing I knew to do. I had some amazing people at church that prayed for me and encouraged me. A couple weeks after the divorce I became interested in this 11 month mission trip around the world. I applied and figured with how messed up things were in my life recently I would be denied. However, I wanted to do this and a few weeks later I was accepted. I spent the spring and summer trying to figure out why God would take someone like me, who had failed at marriage, something I felt that God held very high, and use me on the mission field. You see, God can take the worst moments in our life and turn them around for His glory. God can take the mess and turn it into a message to help others out. I can not tell you the number of times while on the mission field and even in the states that I would find someone who's spouse had left them and they were down in life. I was able to share with them what God had done in my life, tell them that God still loved them, He was not disappointed in them, and that He still has plans for them. To see the smiles and the joy fill these people in the moment was just amazing they knew God was with them still. I look back over these last four year with amazement. I see how God reached into my life at my lowest point and pulled me on my feet. I see how God changed who I was and used what had happened in the past to bring joy to others. I see my relationship with God get stronger and stronger each and every day. These last four years have been exciting. Yes, there have been some bad days but, those days have helped me grow in my walk with God and have grown my faith. I pray that as I continue in life that my heart and mind stayed focused on God and what He has called me to do. That my relationship with God gets stronger even more. I want to leave you with encouragement. That no matter what has happened in your life, God still has a plan for you. God can take those bad things as well as the good things and use them to help others out. You can be the encouragement that someone who is going through something similar to that you have been through is needing. You can be the one to bring joy into another persons life. God is never done with using us. He has great plans for both me and you. Allow Him to take your hurts, mistakes, and failures and turn them around for His kingdom.
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Joshua Robinson
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